Monday, January 3, 2011

2011!

Wow, it's SO hard to believe 2010 is over. It was a very rough year, to say the least. But I do believe things always happen for a reason. I have several resolutions for 2011 that I really want to work hard on and stick to. For starters;

- I want to be a better mother to the boys. To have more patients, and to enjoy every single moment of them being kids.
- I also want to work harder on being a better friend. I get caught up in so many things around the house and I neglect keeping in touch with my friends......I feel so bad about that. :(
- I want to do better at keeping up with housework, but not to the point where I miss out on things with the boys. As long as I can manage the "lived in" look, i'll be happy!!
- I want to do better with getting my diabetes under control. I would love to say I want to lose weight to do that, and I do vow to fit some sort of exercise into my daily routine.
- I want to try and work hard on my marriage. I put this last because I don't know how to accomplish this, when I have been trying to work on it and Z has not. I can't make him change, but at the same time I would think he would want to change and be a better husband and father......I think the boys deserve a father who isn't constantly yelling and fussing at them. Poor Ty gets the brunt of Z's temper and I feel so bad for him. He bends over backwards for his daddy, and all Z does is find fault in every little thing he does. But then Z will turn around and say that Ty never listens to him.....well, when the only attention he gets from you is yelling why should he listen? If he doesn't listen and you yell at him, that is at least some attention he gets. (albeit the WRONG attention) I've heard Z say several times how he needs help, but nothing ever changes.....nothing. I guess what I really need to do first is figure out if I want to even try and save this marriage, or just move on for the sake and happiness of the boys. They don't deserve to be treated the way Z treats them.

Ok, I guess the last resolution was more of a vent.....sorry about that. :( I always feel like i'm the bad guy when it comes to Z, especially when it comes to his family. In fact, last night he was bitching about me to his mom on the phone when I was in the other room. He always tries to defend his actions when it comes to his lies or the way he interacts with the boys. I honestly don't care what his family feels or thinks of me..........I know what kind of person Z is and I honestly don't like it very much anymore. Over 10 years is a long time for someone to put up with the things the boys and I have had to put up with. Who knows what 2011 will have in store for the boys and I.............

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