Monday, April 18, 2011

Today's visit....

Ugh, it was not a good one. Don't get me wrong, Zane is still doing great! He looked and sounded so much better. When we got there the nurse was in the room getting him ready to get up and walk in the hall. She didn't speak or even smile at us, and I know for a fact Tyler spoke to her. In fact, she looked annoyed that we were there. We waited in the room while he walked, and when he came back he asked if he could have a rocking chair. (they told him last night that would be good for him) She brought him a rocking chair and told him she would put a pillow on the chair because it wasn't very comfy and I laughed and said "Yeah, most rocking chairs aren't very comfy, huh?" and she looked at me with not a tiny bit of smile then looked away. Then she stripped down his bed and asked Z if he needed anything else. After she left Chase started getting fussy and before I knew it it was an all out scream tantrum. I felt so bad for Zane and the other patients, so I told Zane I would just take the boys and go because he was actually starting to get short tempered with Tyler and I didn't need Zane upset. We walked out of the room and I was in tears. I am having the hardest time keeping it together and trying to take care of the boys on my own. I decided to try and walk Chase in the hall for awhile (away from the rooms) and he screamed and cried for 4-5 minutes. He finally started to settle and I was hoping he was going to fall asleep for me, but no luck. After walking for 20-25 minutes Tyler said he needed to go potty so I took him back to Zanes room. When he was done he came back out and said he wanted to go in with daddy, so we all went back in. Chase did ok for a bit, but then he got fussy and Zane said to just let him walk around. He was ok, but they both kept getting loud. It was starting to bother Zane, because he was really fussing at Tyler and then snapped at me. So after a bit I just got th eboys stuff together and told Zane we wouldn't be going back up there until he was being released. I hate not seeing him and him not seeing the boys until he is home but I know he understands. Not having any help here is really taking its toll on me, and I hate that am snapping at the boys. Between worrying about Zane and money, i'm taking it out on them and I feel terrible. :( I also noticed when I was out in the hall with the boys I could once again feel my heart beating in my chest......bleh!