Tuesday, December 11, 2012


It's been way too  long since i've done an update on Zane. Unfortunately, the update isn't good.

He had been on a total of three different medicines to stop or slow the growth of the tumors he had. According to the doctors, the last p[ill he was on was the very last thing they could use to try and help him. We found out last Monday that the medicine isn't working and that his cancer was just growing out of control. We were both shocked, obviously. The doctor told him they really didn't know how much time he had left. When Zane got home from that appointment, we talked and he told me that they were sending Hospice out to help with things. Once I heard they were coming, I knew something wasn't right. They also were sending a chaplain and a nurse out. The nurse came out on Thursday and spoke with us, and we finally got some answers, and the TRUTH. She told us she had looked at the scans and based on what she saw, Zane had about 3 months. 3 MONTHS! She also told us that the doctor KNEW how much time he had, because he had to sign a form to have Hospice come out and that form states the patient has 6 months or less to live. But the bastard didn't have the balls to tell Zane to his face. Here we were counting on these doctors to take care of him and to tell us the truth, and he couldn't even do that. To say we are devastated is an understatement. Zane was our sole provider. And due to my anxiety/depression issues (which I never really got into here) I depended on him to do everything for me. From making phone calls for things, going to stores for me and just being a big support. Back in September I finally broke down and applied for disability for my issues, and I found out yesterday I was denied. I have no idea how I will provide for the boys, as I am not able to work. Also, I have no idea how we will get out of this house we are living in. The neighbors next door have only gotten worse. In fact, when I was telling Tyler about Zane and what was going on, we were sitting outside. While I was talking to him, we watched a woman come out of the garage next door, go behind it and squat down and snort her drugs. (and lets not forget the times they tried to break in and they used big rocks to damage the car) Not only are they an issue, but this house is NOT safe. There are holes and dips in the floor from where water leaked under the house. The landlord knows about it but does nothing. Yes, I understand we are behind in rent (due to Zane's health), but I would think they would fix the big problems. We had every intention of moving this coming income tax, but now it's even MORE important to get us out of here NOW. But with no income and no savings, I don't know what will happen. I am terrified that Zane will pass away and the boys and I will be stuck in this house all alone. Along with praying for a miracle for Zane, i've also been praying for an angel to help us get out of this house.

Zane is now on some major pain medicines, so he sleeps a big majority of the time. Tyler seems to be handling it ok, but he has said he has had a breakdown at school. His teacher and the counselor know what is going on and have been talking with him. Poor Chase doesn't understand. He knows daddy is sick, and has kissed his tummy and said "Get better, belly". But he has been acting up more and acts weird around Zane. I've been trying my best to keep up with everything and take care of the boys and Zane. It gets so overwhelming. I am doing my best to try and keep things as normal as I can for the boys. Ty is still doing great in school. I also pray if we do get out of here that he can stay in his school. It's bad enough he is losing his daddy, he doesn't need anything else added on to him.

I will try and update this blog as often as I can with how Zane is doing. The last time I did this, it was postings about my mom. :(